1 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,571 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,873 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:12,744 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,981 ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:18,851 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:22,787 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,434 ♪ all the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,991 ♪ laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:30,996 ♪ He's a family guy ♪♪ 10 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,970 Peter, don't forget you have a physical today at 1:00. 11 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,271 For the hundredth time, Lois, I won't forget. 12 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:41,707 Nag, nag, nag. 13 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,815 Sometimes I think I should have married that woman 14 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,344 I met the night of my bachelor party. 15 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,314 Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here. 16 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,448 Let's get you home. 17 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:53,618 Wow, strange lady. You're so sexy. 18 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:57,589 I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain-in-the-ass Lois. 19 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,690 Peter, it's me. 20 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,036 You know what? Screw it. 21 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,405 I am so gonna cheat on Lois right now. 22 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:04,507 I don't care if she finds out. Peter... 23 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:07,565 You got a condom? Never mind. I got this Milky Way wrapper. 24 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,905 Put this on. Why? 25 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:15,607 Because I'm skipping my physical to go have steaks with the guys 26 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,220 and I don't want Lois to know about it. 27 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,324 Um, 28 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:19,978 okay. 29 00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:22,781 Lois, I'm going to my physical now. 30 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,890 Okay, honey. I'll see you later. 31 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,353 Um... 32 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,355 What the hell? I'll just ask it. 33 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,064 Why did we need the horse suit for that? 34 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,099 Okay, all right, that's... 35 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:44,202 That's seven 16-ounce steaks. 36 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,216 Come on, Joe. You haven't even finished one. 37 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,605 I mean, that guy had two. 38 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,786 I know, I know, I'm terrible. 39 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,489 Which is why I'm gonna order the cheesecake. 40 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,513 I can't do it. I'm... 41 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,980 I'm so full. 42 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,315 Full of what? Estrogen. 43 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:59,884 Come on, take the skirt off, you pansy. 44 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,865 Let's go. Chow down, Mary Jane. 45 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,388 I said, I can't. 46 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,101 Eat it. Eat the damn steak. No. 47 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,603 Come on! What are you waiting for? I can't. 48 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,004 Eat it, Joe. Eat it! No, no, no. 49 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,908 Joe, eat it! I said I'm not hungry! 50 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,498 Where is it now, huh? Where is it now? 51 00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:15,834 Easy, sailor, easy. 52 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,502 Put the gun down, Joe. 53 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,049 Yeah. Nobody's judging you, man. It's cool. 54 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:23,433 I'll just put this back in your purse next to your tampons. 55 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,323 All right, let's start the bidding. 56 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,581 Jennifer, how much do you bid on the dinette set? 57 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,915 Um... 58 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,717 $675, Bob. 59 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,153 $675. Steven? 60 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:35,253 $780. 61 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,855 $780. Tammy? What was the last bid? 62 00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,964 $780. $781. 63 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,860 You! 64 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,862 Hi, honey. How was your physical? 65 00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,198 Good. Good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. 66 00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,745 Too good, matter of fact. 67 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,380 You know what the doctor said? 68 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,637 Doctor said I was too healthy, you know? 69 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,373 In too good of shape. 70 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,519 Don't even know how. Too good of shape. 71 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,921 You didn't go to your physical, did you? 72 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,145 Uh, I did not. 73 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:03,882 So, Doctor? Is Peter healthy? 74 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,928 My goodness! You'll be dead within a month. 75 00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:07,252 What? 76 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,481 Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle 77 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,257 of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. 78 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,470 Now, on to you. 79 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,372 So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, huh? 80 00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:18,108 Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. 81 00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,732 There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. 82 00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:23,646 Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month. 83 00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:26,416 This is your driver's license, isn't it? 84 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,452 Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you are going to die 85 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,921 when you watch these Dean Martin celebrity roasts. 86 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,313 Will you just tell us how Peter's health is? 87 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,716 Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. 88 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:43,222 Kim Bass-inger, Base-inger, Basin-jer, Basinger? 89 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,789 But now on to the cancer. 90 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,024 Oh, my God! 91 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,460 You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? 92 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,961 Now, on to these test results. 93 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,297 My, they're much worse than I thought. 94 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:55,066 My son got a D minus on his history test. 95 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,979 Now, Mr. Griffin, that liver's got to come out. 96 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,637 What? 97 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,916 It's been in the microwave for three minutes. It'll get dry. Now... 98 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,041 Please. Please. 99 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,777 We can't take any more shtick. 100 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:08,447 Please, just tell us, is Peter healthy? 101 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,293 Oh, yeah. He's fine. He's just really fat. 102 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,317 Oh, thank God! 103 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,262 Wait, wait, wait. Hang on a second. 104 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,031 Did you just say I was fat? 105 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,288 Well, yeah. You are pretty fat. 106 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,790 Um, 107 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:22,160 okay. This is news to me. 108 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:25,041 Boy! This is more awkward than having sex with a rhinoceros 109 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,198 who doesn't love you anymore. 110 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,001 Why wouldn't you look at me during? 111 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:37,909 Hey, how was your physical? 112 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,779 Stupid doctor said I was fat. Can you believe that idiot? 113 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,559 Well, Peter, you are on the large side. 114 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,227 Oh, please, Brian. If I was fat, 115 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,571 could I do this with a Hula-Hoop? 116 00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:57,896 No. No, no, I guess you couldn't do that if you were fat. 117 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,435 Careful, Peter. That's an old family photo. 118 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,637 My mother gave it to me. 119 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,706 Huh, that's weird. 120 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,779 I didn't know you had a brother. I don't. 121 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,680 I mean, I don't think so. 122 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,982 Hey, if I'm fat, then Stewie's fat, too. 123 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,211 Because we wear the same size onesie. 124 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,137 Hello, pumpkin. Hello, Daddy? 125 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,801 Did I miss your piano recital? 126 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,829 No, Daddy. I'm in my 40s now. 127 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,030 Good God! 128 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,245 I had a question I wanted to ask. 129 00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:37,769 Um, do I have a brother? 130 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,106 No, no. Don't be silly. 131 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,286 'Cause I found this picture... 132 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:46,277 Uh, uh... Oh, Dick. Thank God you're here. Talk to her. 133 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,880 Message CM-27. 134 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,016 The subscriber you are trying to reach 135 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,418 is unavailable or outside the calling area. 136 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,832 What do you feel like doing later? 137 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,390 Message CM-42. 138 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,226 Let's go pay some hookers to knock our junk around. 139 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,975 Are you sure this is a good idea? 140 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,977 Daddy's never gonna tell me the truth. 141 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,668 The only way to find out is to check the family records. 142 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:13,638 Breaking into Grandma and Grandpa's house. 143 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,386 This is more exciting than that time I saw Bobby McFerrin 144 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,909 fall down all those stairs. 145 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:25,650 Cool! 146 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,455 Wait. What are you doing? They're sleeping in here. 147 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,558 Oh, please. They get so doped up on sleeping pills and liquor, 148 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,826 an earthquake wouldn't wake them up. 149 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,544 My God! How does she sleep at night 150 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,102 knowing she has to funnel this old duffer's hog? 151 00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:50,274 This is it! Patrick Pewterschmidt. 152 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:54,112 56 Meadow Lane, Brookfield. I do have a brother. 153 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,181 Oh, my God. I've got to meet him. 154 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,449 Oh, hey, Brian. You know what would be fun? 155 00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,019 Oh, God, totally! 156 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,590 Awesome! 157 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,237 You know, sometimes the old-fashioned playthings are the best. 158 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,095 Hey, kids of America. 159 00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,297 It's hand-painted wooden ball in a cup. 160 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:15,299 Who needs constant electronic video stimulation 161 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,002 when there's ball in a cup? 162 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:21,106 Mexico's favorite toy for over 340 years. 163 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,542 Toss the ball, catch it in the cup, 164 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,544 dump it out of the cup, toss it, 165 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,378 and catch it in the cup again. 166 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,381 The ball is on a string and attached to the cup. 167 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,329 So there's no worry if you don't catch the ball in the cup. 168 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,688 And cleanup is as easy as catching a ball in a cup. 169 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,524 So why spend another day not catching a ball in a cup 170 00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:42,060 when you could be catching a ball in a cup? 171 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,227 ♪ Ball in a cup ♪ 172 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,462 ♪ Ball in a cup ♪ 173 00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:45,830 ♪ It's a ball in a cup ♪ 174 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:46,899 Ball in a cup! 175 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,007 ♪ Ball in a cup ♪♪ 176 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,716 Peter, I think maybe you're in denial about this fat thing. 177 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:56,007 Oh, yeah? Well, I challenge you to prove to me 178 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:57,409 that I'm fat. 179 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,010 Okay, hang on. 180 00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:00,223 See this? Yeah. 181 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,324 You know what it is? 182 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,814 Duh, it's an apple. 183 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,083 Good, good, good. All right, watch this. 184 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:09,221 What the... What is this? 185 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,822 Is this some kind of gag? 186 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,891 No. That's orbit. Huh? 187 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,938 You have your own gravitational pull. 188 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,594 Oh, that's a bunch of crap. 189 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,978 Now back to The Three Stooges. 190 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,503 Aw. 191 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,206 Aw. 192 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,341 Aw. 193 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:35,591 Can you believe I'm about to meet my long lost brother? 194 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:38,016 Maybe Dateline will do a story on us, huh? 195 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,563 I'll get to meet that pompous ass, Stone Phillips. 196 00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:43,054 He's a kind of guy you hate till he's inside you. 197 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,822 There it is. 56 Meadow Lane. 198 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,395 "Brookfield Insane Asylum"? 199 00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:53,531 Oh, my God! Mom's brother's crazy. 200 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,733 Oh, no. I didn't catch the ball in the cup. 201 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,435 Oh, wait a minute. 202 00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:00,424 It's okay because the ball is on a string and attached to the cup. 203 00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:07,278 Doctor, is my brother really insane? 204 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,892 Mrs. Griffin, we don't use the word "insane." 205 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:12,249 We prefer the term "mentally hilarious." 206 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,239 I can't wait to meet the lunatic. 207 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,621 I bet he's even weirder than that commercial I saw. 208 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,368 Hey, is that that new butter substitute? It sure is. 209 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,826 Is it true it has half the calories of butter or margarine 210 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,338 with all the great taste? Yeah. 211 00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:25,007 Can I have some? Get your own. 212 00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,130 Take that, you bitch! 213 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,531 What the hell? 214 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:28,766 How'd you like that? 215 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,947 Hey, joke's on you. I have hepatitis. 216 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,605 Patrick? Yes? 217 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,641 My name's Lois. I'm your sister. 218 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,410 Oh, my God, Lois. 219 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,356 I never thought I'd see you again. 220 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,947 These are my children. 221 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,927 Why do you live in a crazy house, Uncle Patrick? 222 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,263 Well, when I was just a little boy, 223 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,387 I had a very traumatic experience. 224 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,123 Mommy, can I have a drink of water? 225 00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:55,426 Jackie Gleason! 226 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,173 Beat it, kid. Your mother's busy. 227 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,275 Humminah, humminah, humminah, humminah. 228 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,899 Pow, right in the kisser! 229 00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,568 Oh, that's a horrible story. Yes. 230 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,003 I was so traumatized they sent me here. 231 00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,017 And I guess they must have forgotten about me. 232 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,241 Well, you seem perfectly normal to me. 233 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,710 And no brother of mine is gonna be 234 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,912 cooped up in some insane asylum. 235 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,381 We are taking you back to Quahog with us. 236 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,815 Oh, that's a great idea. 237 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,895 Maybe he can bring his sling blade and order up some 238 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,231 French-fried potatoes. 239 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,255 Mmm-hmm. 240 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,158 Thank God I'm out of that hospital. 241 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,527 It's great to be eating lunch with my family 242 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,629 instead of a bunch of chronic masturbators. 243 00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:33,097 Those people are disgusting. 244 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:36,368 Is it lonely up there on your pedestal, Patrick? 245 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:39,203 Oh, Peter, there you are. This is my brother Patrick. 246 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,816 Yeah, yeah. Good to meet you, Patrick. 247 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,251 All right, listen up, everybody. 248 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,119 I have something to tell you. 249 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,644 I'm not quite sure how to say this. 250 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,646 I'm fat. 251 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,248 Let me give you a minute to absorb that. 252 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,151 That's the way it is. It's nobody's fault, Meg. 253 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,654 But I've decided to do something about it. 254 00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,990 Oh, great. You gonna drop some weight, fat ass? 255 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:02,493 No, dummy. I'm gonna help make this a fat man's world 256 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:07,532 by establishing the National Association for the Advancement of Fat People. 257 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,134 This is the best idea I've had since I slayed that dragon. 258 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,983 Cybill Shepherd? Yes. 259 00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:33,024 People, you are free! 260 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,999 You know, I'm very glad you're here, Patrick. 261 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,678 Well, I want to tell you that 262 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,236 Marian and I both appreciate what you've done. 263 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,339 Marian? Oh, you have a girlfriend. 264 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,409 Oh, where are my manners? Marian is my wife. 265 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,989 She is sitting right next to me. 266 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,713 Oh, here we go. 267 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:55,781 Oh... 268 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,083 Nice to meet you, Marian. 269 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,319 What's that, honey? Oh, yes. Hang on. 270 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,422 Marian wants some coffee. 271 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,557 Lois, did you see that? He's nuts. 272 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,694 Brian, he's been locked up in that place for 30 years. 273 00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:12,162 It's perfectly understandable that he'd invent 274 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,998 an imaginary companion. 275 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,135 Yes. He's even more imaginative than the people who invented singing. 276 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:33,117 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 277 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,787 ♪ For the longest time ♪ 278 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:38,422 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 279 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,857 ♪ For the longest ♪ 280 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,995 ♪ If you say goodbye to me tonight ♪♪ 281 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,803 All right, everyone, I'd like to get started. 282 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:55,840 I'd like to get... We're start... 283 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,868 You know what? Maybe... Maybe everyone should sit down. 284 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:13,290 Okay, that's better. Welcome, everybody, to the... 285 00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:18,273 Uh, uh... 286 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:21,231 snacks are best saved for later. 287 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:39,028 Okay, now, I've prepared an agenda for our organization, 288 00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:42,052 what we want from the community as fat people with pride. 289 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,285 All right, I think we got a lot accomplished here today. 290 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,590 We'll pick this up again tomorrow. 291 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,445 Hey, guys, I'm going for a run. 292 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,448 Do me a favor and keep Marian company while I'm gone. 293 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,816 Uh, sure. 294 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,252 Great. Bye, honey. 295 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,991 Hey, Brian. Marian just called you an alcoholic. 296 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,860 Oh, yeah? Marian just called you a homo. 297 00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:26,630 Wait a second. I'll be right back. 298 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:30,767 Hey, Brian, Brian. What if I put this cucumber right here? 299 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,381 Put the cucumber right there. 300 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,116 Do you think Patrick would be angry? 301 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,606 I don't know, man. It's his wife. 302 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,654 You don't think he'd be ticked off if I put this... 303 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:39,911 Just put that right there? 304 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,580 Just right in that spot, right there on the couch? 305 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,782 Hey, Marian's giving you a thumb's up. 306 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,550 You know what we should do? 307 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,939 We should let it sit here for a couple of weeks and see if it pickles. 308 00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,892 If after three weeks it pickles, then she's real 309 00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,095 and we both have to buy Patrick a steak. 310 00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:06,938 Hey, pie. I know what you want. 311 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,673 I saw you in that movie. 312 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,308 Whore, slut, bitch. 313 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,176 You don't deserve to have sex with me. 314 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,611 Instead, I'm gonna eat the whore out of you. 315 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,282 Peter, did you start a coalition for fat guys? 316 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,983 Yeah. The fat-guy coalition. 317 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,485 Peter, you shouldn't encourage people to be fat. 318 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,987 Fat people are immoral. 319 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,421 How do you figure, sports fan? 320 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,925 They're just bad people, like that Jackie Gleason. 321 00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:30,061 He was fat and he was bad. 322 00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,595 One time when I was a boy... 323 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,264 Oh, I love Jackie Gleason. 324 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,100 Hey, take a look at what I bought at this TV convention. 325 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,403 It's a bus driver's uniform. 326 00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:41,706 Pow, right in the kisser! 327 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,778 Pow, right in the kisser! Pow, right in the kisser! 328 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:50,148 Pow, right in the kisser! Pow, right in the kisser! 329 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,749 Pow, right in the kisser! 330 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,250 Pow, right in the kisser! 331 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,719 Pow, right in the kisser! 332 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,387 Pow, right in the kisser! 333 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,522 Pow, right in the kisser! 334 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,360 Wow! That set him off like a Paul Shaffer fire alarm. 335 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,951 Hello? Lois, it's your father. 336 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,308 The hospital called and said you released Patrick. 337 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,911 Have you lost your mind? He's incredibly dangerous. 338 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,147 Oh, well, that's ridiculous. Patrick is a very nice man. 339 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:27,618 And you should be ashamed of yourself for locking up your own son. 340 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,121 Whose pickle is this? 341 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,523 This just in. The body of a local fat man 342 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,992 was found murdered in Quahog Park last night. 343 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:37,061 Police released this sketch of the suspect. 344 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,998 Oh, my God! 345 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,746 Police also released this sketch of a female accomplice 346 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,069 believed to be his wife. 347 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,210 Hello, I'm Tom Tucker. 348 00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,246 Quahog's newest serial killer has struck again. 349 00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,649 Since the first victim at Quahog Park last week, 350 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,250 three more men have been killed, 351 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:02,553 all of them very, very fat. 352 00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,555 Lois, that sketch looks a lot like Patrick. 353 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,090 Oh, that's ridiculous. 354 00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,025 I don't know. I mean, he's clearly crazy. 355 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,761 Look at that imaginary wife of his. 356 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,264 Well, if she's imaginary, how do you explain the pickle on the couch? 357 00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:15,199 I don't understand what... 358 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,601 Oh, wait. What? Really? 359 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,735 Hey, Stewie! 360 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:20,684 I know, I know. I heard! 361 00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,775 Patrick. 362 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,477 Where have you been? 363 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,458 Oh, it's nothing you need to concern yourself with, Lois. 364 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,115 Well, that's a relief. 365 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,017 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a relief. 366 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:36,254 Yeah, the Fat Guy Strangler's living here and there's a fat guy in the house. 367 00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:39,757 This'll be a bigger disaster than when Peter did Tara Reid's boob job. 368 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,594 Dropped some pepperoni on there. 369 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,503 You know what? That works. Sew it up. 370 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:49,144 Michael was one of our brothers. 371 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:52,537 He was a good man. He was a kind man. 372 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,306 He was a fat man. And now he's a dead man. 373 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,676 And we're all next. The Fat Guy Strangler's gonna get us. 374 00:17:58,744 --> 00:17:59,889 He's right. Oh, my God. 375 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,356 We're finished. Will someone tie my shoe? 376 00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,792 People, people! I know what will make us feel better. 377 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,984 Let us sing the NAAFP anthem. 378 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:10,354 ♪ Stand up, all fat men ♪ 379 00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:13,758 ♪ Stand up straight ♪ 380 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,861 ♪ Stand up because no chair ♪ 381 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,931 ♪ Can hold your weight ♪ 382 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,535 ♪ If God created us ♪ 383 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:28,672 ♪ To be so big ♪ 384 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,808 ♪ That's proof he must be ♪ 385 00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:37,214 ♪ A big, fat Heeb ♪ 386 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,784 ♪ God's real flabby ♪ 387 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:43,621 ♪ With an ass so wide ♪ 388 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,691 ♪ His arms look like pillows ♪ 389 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:51,662 ♪ With cake mix inside ♪ 390 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,899 ♪ God's man-boobs are flabby ♪ 391 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:59,870 ♪ And they hurt when he jogs ♪ 392 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,174 ♪ And the back of God's neck ♪ 393 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:07,244 ♪ Looks like a pack of ♪ 394 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:11,749 ♪ Hot dogs ♪♪ 395 00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:17,299 All right, everybody, just make yourselves at home. 396 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,735 Lois, these are the fat guys. Fat guys, Lois. 397 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,859 My God, look at you fat bastards. 398 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,272 I bet none of you can even find your own penis. 399 00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:26,898 Find your penis for a dollar. Find your penis, one dollar. 400 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,200 One dollar, find your penis. Find your penis here. 401 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,734 Peter, what's going on? 402 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,503 Lois, my people are in danger. 403 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:35,339 Until they find the Fat Guy Strangler, we will stay... 404 00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:36,687 Victor, don't lean against that. 405 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:38,909 Hey, everybody. 406 00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:40,756 Peter, you gotta get these guys out of here. 407 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,613 Patrick is the murderer. What? 408 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:45,149 You son of a bitch! 409 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,218 Don't listen to Brian. He doesn't know what he's talking about. 410 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,599 Out of my way, Lois. Your brother is toast. 411 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,523 Warm buttery toast! 412 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,604 That sounds good. I love toast. 413 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:56,705 I just found my penis. 414 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,161 Run, Patrick, run! 415 00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,597 After him! 416 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,200 Boys, to your Rascals! 417 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:13,210 He went into James Woods. Let's spread out and find him. 418 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:14,912 We'll head him off at the... 419 00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:18,982 Todd, man, you got to chew your food. 420 00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,754 Brian, I know my brother. He couldn't have done these things. 421 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,424 Well, let's see if you feel that way when you see this. 422 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:28,925 Look. 423 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,835 So he has pictures of himself strangling fat guys. 424 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,171 That doesn't mean he's the Fat Guy Strangler. 425 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,472 Oh, yeah? What about the dead fat guy under his bed? 426 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,707 Coincidence? 427 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,920 What about the half-dead fat guy in the corner? 428 00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:47,177 Patrick tried to kill me. 429 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,658 Well, maybe it's a different Patrick. Lois! 430 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,216 Okay, okay. Oh, my God! 431 00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:54,584 Peter's out there with him! Wait! 432 00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:56,853 You gonna eat that dead fat guy? 433 00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,890 How are we gonna find them? 434 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,703 Don't worry, Lois. I'm good at finding people. 435 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,128 I was the one who found Bush after Hurricane Katrina. 436 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:08,811 Mr. President, are you up there? Go away! 437 00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:10,779 Sir, there's a disaster in New Orleans. 438 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:11,936 I'm reading Superfudge. 439 00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,381 You got to come down and deal with this. 440 00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:14,438 Don't make me do stuff. 441 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:18,375 Patrick? Patrick! 442 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,243 Oh, crap! Guess we lost him. 443 00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:23,358 Well, nothing left to do but finish this sentence uninterrupt... 444 00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:28,585 Patrick, let him go! 445 00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:30,054 Don't come any closer! 446 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:34,158 Patrick, let him go or Marian gets it. 447 00:21:34,227 --> 00:21:37,027 Nice try. But Marian's over there. 448 00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,397 Don't hurt her! 449 00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:43,267 Now, let him go! 450 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,568 Okay! Okay! 451 00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:47,683 You missed! No, I didn't. 452 00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:51,475 That's for rolling up the damn window when I tried to jump into the General Lee. 453 00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:55,446 I'm sorry, Lois. I never meant to hurt anybody. 454 00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:59,250 I mean, I did mean to kill those fat guys, but I never meant to hurt you. 455 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:02,386 You may be very sick, Patrick, but I love you. 456 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:05,289 You're my brother and you'll always be my brother. 457 00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:07,891 I have to go back to the hospital, don't I? 458 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,593 Yeah. I'm afraid so. 459 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,140 Hey, Patrick. Did you see how that rock hit me in the face? 460 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,109 It was like, pow, right in the kisser! 461 00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:15,333 Pow, right in the kisser! 462 00:22:15,368 --> 00:22:16,445 Pow, right in the kisser! 463 00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:20,182 Stop screaming, you can't hear me. Pow, right in the kisser! 464 00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:21,382 Pow, right in the kisser! 465 00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:22,606 Pow, right in the kisser! 466 00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:26,410 I miss Uncle Patrick. 467 00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:29,647 Don't worry, kids. I promise we can visit him once a month. 468 00:22:29,715 --> 00:22:31,482 We'll be his period. 469 00:22:32,151 --> 00:22:33,617 I was just upstairs 470 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,953 and there's a half-dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy. 471 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:42,544 Uh-huh. So I guess we're just looking the other way, huh?